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Songs by Michael Cohen
Michael has been composing songs for longer than he cares to admit, first for a Washington State group called Lip Service, and more recently with Fuzzy Logic. Since both groups feature women lead singers, many of these songs are written from a woman's point of view. The musical "Moon Fever" was staged in Fall 2003, and a revised version put on in Summer 2006. "The Neon Coconut" premiered in Fall 2005. Michael's latest musical, "A Very Ninja Christmas", is based on the popular kid's graphic novel series "Amelia Rules", and will debut December 2007.

Songs From the Musical   "MOON FEVER"
CALLING ALL BARS
EVERYTHING'S A CONSPIRACY
BAHIA
LIKE MAGIC
MY NAME IS MARTIN
THEY CAN HEAR YOU
CARNIVAL
MOON FEVER
THAT'S HOW LOVE FEELS
SNOW SHADOWS
SLEEP LITTLE GYPSY
INSTINCTS
IT'S ALL JUST IN YOUR HEAD
Songs From the Musical "THE NEON COCONUT"
FUZZY LOGIC SONGS
Songs From the Musical "AMELIA RULES!"
 

CALLING ALL BARS

Another dinner getting cold in the oven
It's meat and potatos made with plenty of lovin'
And I'm pacing 'round just wondrin' when he's gonna get home
Another night wasted slaving in the kitchen
I'm eating by myself thinking 'bout my competition
'Til I get so mad I pick up the telephone

And I'm callin' all bars have you seen that no good, cheap hood
Beer drinking man of mine
Calling all bars, if you've seen him send him on back to me
I'm wilting on the vine
He's smokin' cigars and playing poker with the boys
And leaving me here alone
Calling all bars until all hours of the morning
When he comes staggering home

I'm a saint with the patience of a sinner
But I'm the kind of girl without a mean bone in her
So I hold back and I hold all my feelings in
I don't fly off in exasperated rages
I let my fingers walk down those Yellow Pages
'Til I finally reach the place where he has been

Boys will be boys I never learn my lesson
You turn your back they're always out there messin'
Around 'cause messin' around is their favorite sport
I can't join 'em and I don't know how to lick 'em
When it comes to losers I sure know how to pick 'em
So I will just rely on my last resort

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EVERYTHING'S A CONSPIRACY

Lately it appears to me, everything's a conspiracy

1) The Illuminati led by John Gotti
Sent out David Berkowitz, a lacky of the Jesuits
Who are just another institution run by Reds and Rosicrucians
To carry out the obscene plan hatched by Alan Greenspan
Working for the CIA whose mastermind was James Earl Ray
But they are all just patsys for some neo-Nazis
Allied with the Knights Templar led by the daughter of the Czar
The brains behind the Vatican, boy you can sure say that again

Oh what a tangled web we weave
Who should we trust, who do we believe
When everyone else is out to decieve
Hiding the tricks they've got up their sleeve
Yes lately it appears to me, everything's a conspiracy

2) The Elders of Zion relentlessly spy on
The mulahs of the Taliban and their dupes the Ku Klux Klan
But buried 'neath the Grassy Knoll the secret of the Dead Sea Scrolls
Expose those politicians in the Tri-Lateral Commission
Who are I am certain controlled by Haliburton
Brainwashing our nation with smut and flouridation
Giving out their orders to those so-called reporters
Who manipulate the evening news to cover up and to confuse
So no matter who we do elect, they're servants of some secret sect

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BAHIA

1) I want to fly away from here
Oh take me to the Mardi Gras
Where temptation fills the air
On the wings of a Samba
I want to fall into a trance
Hypnotized by the carnival
Enspelled by the dance
And the songs of happy people

North of the City of Wonders, South of the Mother of Waters
Over the lightning and thunder I want to fly, I want to fly
Down to the Bay of All Sinners, into the arms of a dancer
We’re all just foolish beginners, you and I

2) In the tropic spell of night
I want to taste your sweet perfume
See you lying in the light
Of a candlelit hotel room
And the dancers swirl below
To the song the blind man sings
And the wine leads us to know
Without understanding
Yes the wine will lead me there
Lead me to the Mardi Gras
And I’m sailing through the air
Over Bahia

3) I want to fly away from here
Oh take me to the Mardi Gras
Where temptation fills the air
On the wings of a Samba

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LIKE MAGIC

1) Maybe I should wash the dishes
Maybe if you make a wish they'll disappear, like magic
Life is all too ordinary
Everything you do's so very dull and drear, it's tragic
A clue, I haven't a clue, what I should be, what I should do?

2) Maybe I should read the tarot
Can it be your mind's too narrow to be shown the Tantra
Through a timeless world of bliss, flow
Where you'll surely learn there is no phrase like "om", my mantra
The way, I must find the way , who do I call, Who do I pay?

If I were ever inclined to read my past lives, would I only find
A line of average housewives, or menial slaves
Cleaning out castles, cleaning out caves

3) I'll be just like Casteneda
Then you'll never be afraid a things unknown, lost knowledge
Eat a button of peyote
Talking with a wise coyote or a crow, beats college
A path, I must find a path , where I won't need to know too much math

If I could open my mind and use my third eye, that's always been blind
I'd find out which stocks to buy, which ones will grow
When they are put into, my portfolio

4) If I had a Guardian Angel
Certainly he'd help me change a lot of things, keep growing
He would take my life in hand and
He would look like Michael Landon would with wings, and glowing
A course, I must chart a course, where I can be at one with The Force

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MY NAME IS MARTIN

1)I know my name, I know it well Martin, Martin
Time and again I have to tell them my name’s Martin
I have so little self esteem
I could just disappear
And even if I tried to scream
My name out
I’m sure no one would even hear

2)A simple name, not too refined Martin, Martin
But to my shame I must remind them my name’s Martin
It’s more than metaphysical
This emptiness inside
I feel almost invisible
But still always
Have a need to run and hide

I ask one little favor I have one little plea
That those flowers that I gave her
Make Evie think fondlly of me

3)Two simple sounds, I’ll say them clear Martin, Martin
It still astounds me they can’t hear that my name’s Martin
So when they can’t recall my name
I shouldn’t get upset
Forgive me if I do proclane
But it seems like
Sometimes God just might forget
My name’s Martin My name’s Martin My name’s Martin

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THEY CAN HEAR YOU

1) They can hear you, if they really want to
They’ve got cunning surprises like bugging devices
In all shapes and sizes
Watch what you are saying
Even when in church while praying
They can hear you

2) They can see you, if they really want to
They’ve got spies in the skies and electronic eyes
Take a word from the wise
They’ve got time and lots of patience
While they sit and do surveilance
They can see you

3) They can find you, if they really want to
They’ve got aisles and aisles of personal files
They’ve no need for trials
Run and they will trace you
If you try and fight they’ll erase you
They can find you

4) They can take you, if they really want to
To some secret facility torment you ‘til you agree
That four fingers are just three
So I will just lay low awhile
I’ll just maintain a low profile
They can hear you
They can see you
They can find you
They can take you

They can change you

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CARNIVAL

1) It's Carnival and the fallen are dancing
Dressed in their festival bones
You see the Queen of the Damned with a smile so entrancing
Satan is her chaperone

2) It's Carnival and the alleys are steaming
Hot as the deep pits of hell
You hear a sound from your lips
Is it laughing or screaming
In such a place who can tell

(chorus)
But it's all just a game, who can blame them
If they go quite insane once a year
Let your passions enflame, don't restrain them
Never try to explain it 'cause here

3) It's Carnival and it's crawling with danger
Even your soul's in disguise
You look in the mirror and you see there a stranger
And she has death in her eyes

4) It's Carnival and all pleasure is poison
And pain is it's own reward
You know that boys can be girls and girls can be boys when
The future and past is ignored

5) It's Carnival and the pall bearer's grinning
His coffin he pounds like a drum
You know the dead are all drunk and the saints are all sinning
Baptised in whiskey and rum

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MOON FEVER

1)The cats are all prowling
Their midnight domain
The dogs are all howling
And I’m half asleep, half insane
Moon Fever, Moon Fever

2) The light through the curtains
Gleams ghostly white
And one thing’s for certain
It’s going to be one long night
Moon Fever, Moon Fever

Oh it’s just a little moon, oh it’s so romantic
But why am I immune to its po- e - try
Oh it’s just a little moon but it’s making me frantic
And it seems gigantic to me

3)There’s a noise in the attic
A drip in the sink
The radio’s static
My eyelids won’t close, they’re on the blink
Moon fever, Moon Fever

But it’s just a little moon, it’s timeless orbit
Just like a pale balloon in night’s canopy
Oh it’s just a little moon and though some may adore it
It seems abhorant to me

4) There’s a demon inside me
A chill in my bones
It’s light never guides me
But leads me astray, so lost and alone
Moon Fever, Moon Fever

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THAT'S HOW LOVE FEELS

1) Little man I’m talkin just to you
Do you shake in your shoes?
I expect you feel a bit confused
I’m dressed to kill in these stiletto heels
I need a thrill ‘cause you know that’s how love feels

2) A wicked woman drives a man insane
He’ll think thoughts quite profane
Feel her icy fingers in his brain
Sparks will fly like from electric eels
You’ll want to cry but you know that’s how love feels

You’ll shiver and shake, you’ll stutter and stammer
You’ve never seen up close so much glamour
Your heart starts to quake like a crazy trip-hammer
‘Til you think it will break

3) I’m a Devil woman, dressed in Red
You’ll soon wish you were dead
But you’ll get some living hell instead
Don’t beg for mercy I don’t cut no deals
It’s like a curse but you know that’s how love feels

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SNOW SHADOWS

1) Shadows in the snow, in the snow
Where no one is standing in the snow
To cast a shadow there, shadows

2) Voices in the hall, in the hall
They’re echoing faintly down the hall
In the dry dusty air, echoes

We’re prisoners in a cell of blood and bones
And when we think we’re alone
They whisper in our ear
We are still here, we are still here

3) Whispers in the wind, in the wind
Adrift on the tidepool of the wind
‘Til they have gone astray, whispers

4) Footprints in the sand, in the sand
They beckon to follow through the sand
‘Til they are washed away, footprints

We’re living in a world of steel and stone
And when we think we’re alone
They whisper in our ear
We are still here, we are still here

They all have gone, but still they wait for you
As seasons come and go, silent and blue
Like shadows in the snow

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SLEEP LITTLE GYPSY

1) Sleep little gypsy
I hope your dreams are of me
The sky is like velvet
The moon is a pearl on the sea
And I am no stranger
To nights dreamy danger
When frightened by shadows
There's no need to weep
So sleep little gypsy
Just sleep sleep

2) Sleep little gypsy
Your weary day is now done
Let darkness enfold you
You'll rise in the glow of the sun
And fear not the sorrows
That may come tomorrow
The waters we're crossing
Are never too deep
So sleep little gypsy
Just sleep sleep

3) Sleep little gypsy
It won't be long 'til the dawn
The night is a carpet
Your magical thoughts can fly on
The wind's there to guide you
The clouds there to hide you
And I am beside you
You'll be in our keep
So sleep little gypsy
Just sleep sleep sleep

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INSTINCTS

1) Wondering
Where my instincts will lead me
Seems my best friends won’t heed me
They think I am just a girl who acts before she even thinks
I'll get by as long as I follow my instincts

2) Wandering, sure my instincts will guide me
Heeding voices inside me
Though their words are sometimes puzzling as the riddle of the Sphinx
I'll get by as long as I follow my instincts

I ask you why
Why should I scheme and strategize?
When all that scheming only leads to lies
Or some compromise I’ll despise

3) I am waiting ‘till my instincts speak to me
‘Till some wisdom flows through me
All the others need advice from lawyers, appointments with their shrinks
I'll get by as long as I follow my instincts

It seems sometimes
I am the only one who climbs
Above the misty clouds that block the view
Where a chosen few may see what’s true

4) I’ll be going where my instincts will take me
‘Cause they never forsake me
I’m the kind of girl who stares down danger and never even blinks
I’ll get by as long as I follow my instincts

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IT'S ALL JUST IN YOUR HEAD

Trish, Let me set you straight, it’s all just in your head
They’ve debunked every haunted house, that poltergeist is just a mouse
And not the living dead
The things you devoutly believe, are so patently absurd
You see what no one ever sees, you channel dead celebrities
Who are dying to be heard
The dead really don’t ever make a sound
Not even a little “Boo!”
They’re too busy mouldering in the ground
To give much advice to you
You’re losing it I swear, it’s hurting your street cred
You’re hearing things that aren’t there
It’s all just in your head

Now listen here Lorraine, it’s all just in your head
No one is really watching you, now what you really need to do
Is find the proper med
Do you want other people to think, you’re just one more crack-pot
Why can’t you be like normal folks, who know this nonsense is a hoax
Not some universal plot
Your theory is so chock full of holes
You can drive a truck right through
If they’re really in such total control
Then why would they care about you?
So where is your evidence? You can’t provide a shred
Your theory doesn’t add up, hence
It’s all just in your head

Now Evie I must say, it’s all just in your head
You think everything’s a coincidence, and things always must make perfect sense
Well, that’s been discredited
The world’s full of magical things, even right here in your home
Life’s not like an accounting book, that one can read with just one look
It’s much more like a poem
So our differences we should ignore
We are just the way we are
Was it nature or was it nurture or
Were we born under some lucky star
Let’s agree to disagree, and live in peace instead
Because you see what you want to see
And you hear what you want to hear
So just be what you want to be
It’s all just in your head

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THAT OLD MOODY RIVER

1) My life is like driftwood, flowing with the current
Going to a rendezvous with the dark restless sea
My life is like driftwood, how I wish it weren’t
How I wish that I could somehow learn to swim free
But that old moody river, that moody river
Just carries me, carries me

2) I’ve got no direction, and no destination
From the source of my remorse I’m trying to flee
I’ve got no connections, I’ve got no relations
Like Huck Finn but without Jim for company
But that old moody river, that moody river
Just carries me, carries me

I wake up on a bright new morning
And wonder where I’m gonna sleep tonight
Try as I might this old world’s ignoring
My every attempt to set it right

3) I feel like some flotsam, or is it some jetsam
I won’t dispute I need some roots like a regular tree
Since I haven’t got some, it’s time that I get some
Time to put an end to living solitary
But that old moody river, that moody river
Just carries me, carries me
That old moody river
It just carries me

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ONE TOUGH BROAD

1) Try and break my heart, I dare you to try
‘Cause when the heartaches start, it’ll be you not I
Whose heart will break in two
I’m telling you it’ll feel just like
It’s been chainsawed
But I’ll just think it’s funny
‘Cause honey, I am one tough broad

2) I admit I fell, in love once way back when
But it will freeze in hell, before it happens to me again
Am I playing hard to get
Am I some coquette whose heart’s so cold
It couldn’t be thawed
I tell you yes indeedy
Sweety, I am one tough broad

Waiting, waiting, for a man I can respect
Waiting waiting
For a man who’s more than muscle
A guy like Bertrand Russell
Who flexes his intellect

3) I smile and I nod, as you bore me with your tales
Beneath this sweet facade, is a woman tough as nails
I look gentle as a lamb
Inside I am so dangerous
I should be outlawed
I won’t try to decieve you
Believe you me I’m one tough broad
No need to applaud, honey I am one tough broad

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NICE GUYS

1) Nice Guys, always there when you need us
Always ready to lend you a shoulder to cry on
Nice Guys always go where you lead us
Not at all like the men who you have your eye on
We’re so undemanding
So unfailingly polite
But I know that just makes us seem weak
We’re so understanding
That when we say goodnight
The best we can hope for is a peck on the cheek, oh
Nice Guys, always at your beck and call
We forgive the transgressions of the past
Nice guys, I’ve learned, if we finish at all, finish last

2) Nice guys, always there to console you
When you’re feeling so lonely, when lovers reject you
Nice guys, although we long to hold you
We won’t take advantage because we respect you
It’s something we’re used to
Still we dream about your kiss
Seems our love lives have always been cursed
We aim to seduce you
But somehow we always miss
Until some other guy is there to get to you first, oh
Nice guys know that all those other males
Have us so completely outclassed
It’s the law of the jungle, the aggressor prevails
If the race is to the swift then we are just like snails
Nice guys expect it and it never fails we finish last
Finish last
Nice guys always finish last

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LET'S BE BEAT

Let's be beat, Let’s be-bop down that crazy street
Wearing black all day from our beret
Down to our sandalled feet

2) Let’s be beat, let’s show that cool’s not obsolete
We’ll masquerade behind our shades
Dig on each cat we meet

Let’s make it down to the village
If you will a jumpin’ bongo beat will wreck your brain, drive you insane
He’s playing crazy, cool and dizzy
Wonder is he from the Congo
Out of his gone mind or on Cloud 9

3) Let’s be beat, without a groove life is incomplete
We will be real gone from dusk to dawn
Acting somewhat indiscrete

4) Let’s be beat, let’s congregate with the hip elite
Hey daddy-o at my pad you know
We can groove on something sweet

Let’s hang around in the village
Up until that crazy sunrise burns into our brain, like Monk and Trane
We will be joking we’ll be jiving
We’ll be thriving on the rhythms
Of the the paperboys and the traffic noise

5) Let’s be beat, we can be so cool despite the heat
Like smoke some tea, dig poetry
In a dark basement retreat

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SOUTH PACIFIC TOUR

Rest and recreation are what we seek,
Our spirits to restore
Let’s take our next vacation, all two weeks,
On a South Pacific Tour
Soon we will be stopping at ports of call
A half a world away
Let’s do some island hopping after all,
It’s a small world so they say

1) I’ll sip martinis on Bikini, hug my sweetie on Tahiti
Stay an hour on Tarawa, fly to old Brunei
Share a snack on Sarawak, then feast some more on East Timor
We’ll linger longer out on Tonga, take another look at Cook

2) If it’s barren on Pitcairn, and so hot ya hate Sumatra
Feel the breeze stir out on Easter, take a nap on Yap
If the Marshalls you’re not partial, Indonesia’s sure to please ya
We’ll look for lava east of Java, take a little break on Wake

Oh those swaying palms, it’s nice and warm
When you’re in my arms, we can weather any tropical storm

3) If Australia seems to fail ya, then Tasmania’ll entertain ya
Singapore we’ll swing ashore, cruise on to old Luzon
If Malaysia don’t amaze ya, to Caledonia I’ll chaperone ya
We’ll have chow on Mindanao, lie ‘neath a shady palm onGuam

Oh those swaying palms, it’s nice and warm
When you’re in my arms, we can weather any tropical storm

Now our trip is ended, what fun we’ve shared
What wondrous sights we’ve seen
Our ragged nerves have mended, we’re now prepared
To resume our old routine

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THE NEW FRONTIER

1) They say, the world out there is changing
The familiar getting stranger every day
Out there there is no status quo
And no one cares much if you go astray
Here in this town I’m in
They warmly smile and welcome you
As long as you think like they do, you’re just like kin
But if you’re somewhat color blind
Or if you’ve got an open mind or a darker skin
It’s like you’re a prisoner here far from the new frontier

2) They say, a bright new sun is rising
Just beyond that dim horizon far away
A new day has already dawned
A brilliant sunrise just beyond the gray
I hear a distant call
While here they watch you like a hawk
Especially if you don’t talk with a Southern drawl
I wish that I could break the rules
But I’m teaching in their goddamn schools, after all
I wish I could disappear off to that new frontier

3) They say, in peace we’ll live together
Even birds not of a feather one fine day
And someday, maybe even soon
A man will walk on that cold moon so far away
you know I’m longing still
For the day I leave this town behind
To find a shining city on a distant hill
But it’s not there on any map
It might be found I fear perhaps it never will
But still I’ll search far and near across the new frontier

FIRST KISS

1) First kiss, I never expected such bliss
That I’d be affected like this
Oh I wish this could last forever

2) First time, I guess that this now means that I’m
Ready to enter my prime
It’s sublime, we’ll be together

I thought that kissing would have to be taught
They told me that romance was frought with danger
Now I know, it’s something that you just let flow
And now that I’ve learned to let go
You’re no longer a stranger

3) First kiss, what a metamorphosis
I’ve come out of my chrysalis, spread my wings
Now I know all the wonderful things that first kiss brings

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NO MATTER WHAT PEOPLE SAY

1) Let people tease so let them taunt
We'll still do anything we want
Though we're not quite the norm, we'll weather the storm some way
I have been lonely and lovelorn
Since before you're even born
Now that you are post-natal, I'm robbing the cradle today
No matter what people say

What difference does a few years make
Just candles on some birthday cake
So let's live it up on spring break
And I won't run for cover
When they think I'm your mother

2) The things they say behind my back, say I'm a pedophiliac
Though I'm nearly senescent and you're adolescent, okay
I'm glad I felt the beauty of, this yuppy meets her puppy love
Though we're scoffed and guffawed, like Harold and Maude we'll stay
No matter what people say

What difference does a few years make
Just candles on some birthday cake
Who cares if your ID is fake
I won't be broken hearted
Every time you get carded

3) The reason they won't let us be, I'm sure it's only jealousy
So keep fanning the ember, from May to December to May
No matter what people say, no matter what people say
No matter what , what difference does a few years make?

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YOU CAN'T OUTRUN THE PAST

1) I thought when I went and changed my name
I thought when I dyed my hair
I thought that the different girl I became
Would find some peace out in the world somewhere

2) I thought I could try and cheat my fate
I thought luck would intervene
I thought that if I just wiped the slate
But try and try I just can’t wipe it clean

Just when I thought I got away at last
With troubles all behind but they are gaining fast
I feel I’ve been forsaken, How I wish I was mistaken
But I’ll soon be overtaken, you can’t outrun the past

3) I thought if I went from coast to coast, I thought I could get away
It’s now evident that like a ghost
My past will haunt me ‘til my dying day

4) Why am I hounded day and night, when did I lose control
I am surrounded and must take flight
But where can I run except to the South Pole

How did I ever come to be an outcast
Now I am hunted, haunted and harrassed
It sounds like I am ranting, but I’ve run so long I’m panting
So reluctantly I’m granting you can’t outrun the past

5)Oh why can’t the bygones be bygone, why won’t they melt away
Way back when I chose this path I’m on
I somehow knew that it would end this way

Like when an early Spring has been forecast
And then winter hits us with an icy blast
So even if you’re clever, it won’t matter whatsoever
‘Cause despite your best endeavor you can’t outrun the past
It sounds like I am ranting, but I’ve run so long I’m panting
So reluctantly I’m granting you can’t outrun the past
I feel I’ve been forsaken, how I wish I was mistaken
But I’ll soon be overtaken, you can’t outrun the past

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THE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO

1) There’s a mango tree in a little town
There’s a town down by a bay
There’s a bay way out on a jungle island
Somewhere far away
This lush and tropic paradise I saw in a magazine
And I think it would be so nice if I were in that scene
But you know that our fantasies so rarely do come true
If I could fly off on the breeze
I’d do the things I want to do

La la la la la the things you want to do (2)

2) There’s a sandpiper piping in the sand
The sand is warm ‘neath my feet
My feet go walking down to the water
To cool the mid-day heat
I watch him playing with the waves, oh what a life of ease
If I were him I would behave exactly as I please
Since that was not my destiny I cannot follow through
Maybe someday I’ll be free
To do the things I want to do

La la la la la the things you want to do (2)

3) Not too far from that tranquil bay
There’s a cozy little hut
The people in it like to laugh and play
And to drink from the coconut
So what if they don’t have a dime, the sunset’s always free
They live one day at a time in their hide-away by the sea
I see it clearly in my mind, that hut of mud and bamboo
If we could leave our past behind
We’d do the things we want to do

La la la la la the things you want to do (4)

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LOUNGE SINGER

1) I’ll cry when I am happy, I’ll smile when I am blue
I’ll be sexy, I’ll be sappy, that is what I’m paid to do
I look around and see
You’re bleary eyes are all watching me

2) I’d say that maybe you drank a bit too much my tipsy friend
Should I sing that thing from Casablanca
One more time we’ll play it again
I look around and see
You’re all just as lonely as me

Do these sad old ballads haunt you?
I’ve got you just where I want you
Drink up those pretty love potions before you hear the last call
Mixed drinks with mixed emotions is one sure way to fall

3) You think one drink and you know me, you think I’m singing to you
You say you’ve something to show me, after the last show is through

Is that a wedding ring on your finger?
Where’s your wife,Why didn’t you bring her?
And me I’m just a lonely lounge singer
Waiting for the show to start
And I’ve got every key to your heart

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THE ROCKIN' CALYPSO

1) Here’s a dance that people like to do today
To the kind of music musicians like to play
It will put a smile on your lips, I know
Make you want to swivel your hips just so
To the rhythm of the Rockin’ Calypso
It’s the biggest thing since JFK

Everybody dancing with their hula hoop
By ones or twos or in a group
There was even an entire Girl scout troop,
With their yo-yo’s doin’ the Loop de Loop

2) When the people heard it first they got a thrill
And they soon found out that their feet could not stand still
They forgot all about the atomic bomb
And that trouble over in Viet-Nam
Or who they should ask to the senior prom
Or whether they should take The Pill

Everybody dance from Tonga to Tibet,
Dick and Liz and Frankie and Annette
Every one of the Dionne Quintuplets
Danced around like they were Ann Margaret

3) When the Kennedys get bored with Camelot
They invite their enemies out on their yacht
They come from Havana, Peking and Moscow
And they dance until homeward come all the cow
Everyone having fun except Chairman Mao
Who says it was a yankee plot

Everybody dance from dawn ‘till day is done,
Even congressmen in Washington
Lawrence Welk plays his accordion,
Cassius Clay dance with the Singing Nun

4) Way up north this dance has been the craze all year
And we guess it’s time for the next fad to appear
What they do up North we will imitate
And because we live in a backward state
We will always strive to be up to date
Since we’re out of time we’ll end right here

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EZEKIEL'S WHEEL

Keep your eye on that bright firmament, look out for that falling star
Knowing that your stay on Earth's not permanent
Still you'd rather stay where you are
Are those moonbeams tickling your window, do you hear the wind in the trees
If this was a game you'd play on your Nintendo
You'd shoot down all those little ET's
You are alone, and the great unknown slithers like a snake in the field
I bet you wish that you were only dreaming
But your dreams were never this unreal, it's Ezekiel's Wheel

Lookout there's a signpost up ahead, is this just another nightmare
Maybe you should try to hide beneath the bed
Maybe they won't look for you there
Lookout it's another midnight mystery rapping at your chamber door
It feels like you've just run the course of human history
Your heart couldn't pound any more
You are alone, and the great unknown opens like the Seventh Seal
I bet you wish that you were only dreaming
But your dreams are never this unreal, it's Ezekiel's Wheel

You're lying on the table, you'd move but you're not able
They contemplate your navel with their owlish eyes a-gleaming

Lookout is it you that's screaming, "please let's make a deal"
I bet you wish that you were only dreaming
But your dreams are never this unreal
It's Ezekiel's Wheel, it's Ezekiel's Wheel
It's Ezekiel's Wheel, it's Ezekiel's Wheel

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LOVE AND ROMANCE GAME

1) Once I was the victim of the widely approved dictum
That the heart should rule the mind
Love is caring, love is giving, love is sharing and forgiving,
Never mind that love is blind
But after taking chances on innumerable romances
That have ended up the same
No more sobbing no more pining, I am finally resigning
From the love and romance game

2) Now I won't be jealous when I see those handsome fellas
Pickin up on other dames
I won't fly into a tizzy when I see some dumb and dizzy blonde
Who's got no sense of shame
Cuddle up and almost lie on the same guy I've got my eye on
Then proceed to kiss and sigh [sigh]
Now that's the very sort of scene
That makes someone's aorta seem to shrivel up and die

3) Now I won't be troubled by those men who are the double
Of those men who trouble me
For I've always been attracted to the guys who've always acted
Like the guys I shouldn't see
I suppose it's self-defeating to be endlessly repeating my behavior,
That's common sense
Their resemblance to my father really wasn't worth the bother,
It was just coincidence

4) Now I won't be anxious, feeling like my heart just sank,
Just like it did those other times
As I nervously awaited, all made up with breath so bated,
For the sound of front door chimes [bing bong]
Was he fashionably late, or did he have another date,
Or did he crash on his way here
I'd never really know what made him never really show
But then he never really did appear

5) Now I won't be taking pills for sleeping, pills for waking,
Pills to get me through the day
Now I won't rely on cigarettes and getting high
On every drug that comes my way
I won't have to be resorting to the popping, shooting, snorting
To obliterate the past
Running in a vicious circle hoping vainly the next jerk'll
Work out better than the last

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MY SECRET PLACE

1) There is a place that you'll never find and
I know the way but I'll never tell
Am I being selfish or unkind if
I want to keep it all to myself
A little piece of the Garden of Eden
before Eve and Adams' fall from grace
I know that I can find all I need in my secreplace

2) Is it over the next hill, just past the next town
Just 'round the corner of your eye?
Is it the fork in the road that you never went down
The piece of the map that has been torn away?
When I go there I always know there
I'll be lost to time and space
Just the other side of somewhere it's my secret place

Sometimes I wish I could linger there forever
Content as a cat napping in the sun
But my ties to the world are too strong to sever
And there is too much work to be done

3) So please never ask me for directions,
I'll never say if it's far or near
It's not that this place needs my protection
It's just that you can't get there from here
When there are no more songs for this singer
When I'm finally in the earth's embrace
I hope a part of me will still linger in my secret place

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PERFECT HOLLYWOOD ROMANCE

1) I met him on the freeway
When my car broke down he stopped and offered his assistance
He was handsome in a roguish way
He was from out of town, not afraid to go the distance
When the tow truck came he took me out for coffee
When he spoke my name, my heart just skipped a beat
Could this be my big chance
To find a perfect Hollywood romance

2) He told me he was working
For the FBI, tracking down a serial killer
How intriguing, with danger lurking
I remarked I read the occasional crime thriller
So we ended up walking on the beach at sunset
Where he interrupted our laughter with a kiss
Charmed right of my pants
By my first perfect Hollywood romance

The next few days whirled by
In a cinematic montage of romantic scenes
A love struck girl and guy
Exactly like a classic film of David Lean's
The one thing lacking was
No one could see us up there on the silver screen, or on video

3) It turned out he was really
Just an unemployed insurance salesman from the midwest
He had run off from his family
And came to L.A. to escape a charge of incest
When we said goodby, as they led him off to prison
I told him that I had nothing to regret
Despite the circumstance
He was my almost perfect Hollywood romance

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VAMPIRE

You wake up with the sunset
Your lips are stained with scarlet
I ache with icy fear, and yet it seems so right
Have I found love at long last
My heart is cut like broken glass
I'll die unless the pain will pass by morning light

chorus:
Your tears are only water, your breath is hot with hunger
Your touch is like the wind upon the snow
Will it heal me or consume me I don't know
I love your angel's face, but even more
I love your devil's soul

The darkness suits your spider's touch
The shadows hide a bit too much
The starkness of the scene is such a tempting sight
This time it's really ecstasy
It seems like you will die with me
Your crime is that you can not see beyond the night

You wake up with the sunset
Your lips are stained with scarlet

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DOING THE BEST I CAN
copyright 1993 Michael Cohen

I'm doing the best I can so please show some forebearance
I'm only an also-ran with alcoholic parents
I don't expect more than neglect that is my lifelong tendency
I wouldn't mind if I could find a little co-dependancy
My ambitions are not so grand
And I'm doing the best I can

I'm doing the best I can with what courage I can muster
My castles are made of sand my bravery only bluster
But I contend I can transcend my natural limitations
And if not, at least I've got a talent for imitations
I'm out of the frying pan
and I'm doing the best I can

I'm doing the best I can under adverswe circumstances
I'm taking my life in hand and taking little chances
The books I read say don't conceed and you'll attain each pinacle
But nagging doubts all loudly shout that I should remain cynical
I'm pursuing a long range plan
And I'm doing the best I can

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I WISH I KNEW

I thought I knew you, 'till I saw the moonlight in your hair
He stood close to you, you didn't know that I was there
I wish I knew the rules that people play by
I wish I knew how to get by day by day
I wish I knew how to make a lover stay by faithfully
What I wouldn't do
For some old fashioned heart and soul monogamy

Have I been foolish, have I been walking half-asleep?
I started coolish, now I am in it way too deep
I wish I knew the physics of emotion
I wish I knew the chemistry of what makes feelings flow
I wish I knew why desire and devotion fade mysteriously
What I wouldn't do
For some old fashioned have and hold monogamy

One lover, forever, that would be some endeavor
Trying to live like love birds in a gilded cage
A few years of loving, a few tears on leaving
That's the best we hope for in this day and age

Well, that's the story, well, that's the way it always goes
Please don't feel sorry, I came out smelling like a rose
I wish I knew why it gets so complicated
I wish I knew why I'm left here at the starting gate
I wish I knew why it seems that I am fated to live fancy free
What I wouldn't do
For some old fashioned good as gold monogamy

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UNCLE WALT

I was quite young when I heard the news
T'was the day my childhood died
I was in the school gym, tying my shoes
and I hung my head and cried

1) We cannot fly, we cannot fly, our shadows weigh us down
We're waiting for our prince but "sigh" but he's nowhere to be found
And when we wish upon a star, it always is in vain
With times as bad as times now are , it's time to call his name
He's not dead my children, he'll hear our prayers, amen
The world will be a fantasy
When Uncle Walt comes waltzing back again

2) We whistle while we work but still, the time drags by all day
We build our dreams of brick until the world blows them away
Our streets are full of tramps and yet real ladies are quite rare
When things look grim as grim can get we raise our voice in prayer
He's not dead my children, he's only frozen
The world will be a fantasy
When Uncle Walt comes waltzing back again

3) Like a little boy made of wood, who's swallowed by a whale
We try our best to be truthful and good, but it seems most times we fail
When all of our Tomorrowlands seem never meant to be
When life's not going as we planned let us join the jamboree
He's not dead my children, so sing no requiem
The world will be a fantasy
When Uncle Walt comes waltzing back again

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ALMOST

1)Your eyes aren’t quite the right shade of brown
But they’ll do late at night when the lights are turned down
Your hair is all wrong several inches too long
And parted on the wrong side
Your face is too lined, your voice is too deep
But with enough wine and half asleep
I could be satisfied

Those are almost the words that he used to say
He’d reach out and touch me in almost that way
And when I’m almost certain that I want you to stay
My heart always calls my bluff
‘Cause almost isn’t enough

2) You’re trying your best, I suppose it’s unfair
That I’m still obsessed with someone who’s not there
Your kisses are sweet and when our lips meet
My heartache almost disappears
You hold me too tight when I start to cry
And all through the night it feels as if I
Will never run out of tears
That was almost his smile but it wasn’t quite right
That was almost the way he would kiss me goodnight
And I’ve almost fallen for you, but not quite
For when it comes to love
Almost isn’t enough

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LITTLE PLOWBOY

1)Little plowboy please don’t break my heart
We’re just about to start when we’re parted
Little plowboy at the break of day
Why must you go make hay
At crack of dawn you stretch and yawn
And soon you’re on your way

2)Little plowboy all I do is wait
Must you stay out so late cultivating
Little plowboy I do love you so
Much more than that cheap hoe
And while you steer your dear John Deere
You reap more than you sow

3)Little plowboy only you know how
To ease my furrowed brow , stop your plowing
Little plowboy amber waves of grain
Can only cause us pain
So come back indoors my heart is yours
How long must we abstain?

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STILL A TEENAGER AT HEART

1)The time of your life was a long time ago
What can I say, time slipped away
With kids, cars and wife and a shortage of dough
And still a big mortgage to pay
And though you were cruelly hurled into the world
So mad and deranged from the start
You know that at the core, forever more
You’re still a teenager at heart, at heart

2) You were so reckless yes you were so brave
You rocked everywhere, you didn’t care
Now one hand’s on your checkbook, one foot in the grave
You’re rocking in your rocking chair
And so, you’ve safely steered to your silver years
You’re past the most dangerous part
You go, filled with pride, that deep inside
You’re still a teenager at heart, at heart

3)No need to remind you, you act like a kid
Play with your toys, your pride and joys
I know where to find you doing things that you did
With those other middle aged boys
So so, ignore the wife and bet your life
The odd’s are that wager’s not smart
And so, it is your fate, so celebrate
You’re still a teenager at heart, at heart

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MY TURN TO TURN

1) I hear your voice on the telephone wire
A breathless angel with a soul on fire
But you know we crossed the line, the borders were your design
You play with my imagination
You know the buttons, 'cause you pushed them every day
I won't give in to your temptation
Cause it's my turn to turn, my turn to turn
My turn to turn away

2) Cross my heart and hope to survive
But X marks the spot where you buried the knife
I'm wiser than before
I've learned to lock the door
You play with my imagination
You know the buttons, you pushed them every day
I won't give in to your temptation
Cause it's my turn to turn
My turn to turn, my turn to turn away

You say the time is right but then
You’d say black was white if it
Got you through the night but now
I’m on to you, and you say
Show some faith in humanity
Your pride is nothing but vanity
Well I’ve still got my sanity
No thanks to you, no thanks to you

3)I hear your voice on the telephone wire
A breathless angel with a soul on fire
Some things are hard to learn
Some times we might get burned
Now it's my turn to turn, my turn to turn
My turn to turn away

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BREATHING

1) Here’s a little trick that I learned the day I was born
One December morn
Feeling kind of sick since my umbilical cord
Had just been cruelly shorn
So I opened up my little mouth and then
Took in a big gulp of Oxygen
Exhaled all that useless Nitrogen
Then I did the whole routine again and again

Breathing is the only way your body can ever succeed
In cheating death
So just give a little word of thanks when you feel the need
To take another breath

2) Here’s a little tale that I heard and couldn’t forget
At least not yet
In a little Himalayan vale in far-off Tibet
As high as you can get
There lived a Buddhist monk so jive
That he had his friends bury him alive
But after a month he was revived
And here’s what he said when they asked him how he survived

3) There’s a little moral to this song, we hope you’ll excuse
Our stating our views
We will never quarrel that you have the right to abuse
Your body as you choose
But if, when you walk too fast you pant
Because you smoke, want to quit, but can’t
Better listen to the chorus that we chant
Before you need to have a lung transplant
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st

Queen of the After-Christmas Blues

I’ve been lying around
Just staring at empty boxes
Next to a mound
Of toys I can’t use
Sadly I’ve found
Some relatives like to give socks or shoes
Do you know what I mean
I’m the Queen
Of the After-Christmas Blues

With all this great swag
I don’t even feel like playing
It’s really a drag
Being so hard to amuse
I’m so full I could gag
Offer me some pie, I’d just refuse
It’s a real ugly scene
For the Queen
Of the After-Christmas Blues

The months drag on, oh brother
My eyes begin to glaze
It seems that one way or another
I’m going to
Have to wade through
The next three hundred and sixty four days

I feel trapped in my room
I hope that I’m not going crazy
This feeling of doom
I can’t seem to lose
Surrounded by gloom
Feel that I should take a real long snooze
Maybe by Halloween
I’ll have seen a bit of some good news
‘Til then I’ll be what I’ve been
That’s the Queen
Of the After-Christmas Blues

WE'RE POOR

Being your age it’s an awkward stage
Not a little kid, not yet a teen
Still like your toys, too young for boys
You’re stuck in the middle
You’re not big, not little
But somewhere in between
I still feel the need to protect you
From all kinds of dangers and strife
It’s my job to guide and direct you
Through the troubled waters of life
Some things I would rather conceal
Some will say that ignorance is bliss
But I know that you’re old enough to deal
And that’s why I’m telling you this

We’re poor, we have to count our pennies at the store
I need to find a job somewhere for sure
Until that day, I’m sad to say

We’re poor, we can’t spend like we used to spend before
I worry so, I can’t help pace the floor
No one’s to blame, we’re not ashamed
But we’re poor

We must awake to the truth of the situation
It’s a mistake to pretend it’s not that bad
We need to make do and practise conservation
And not think too much about the things we had

We’re poor, I don’t want to have to hide it anymore
It’s not the kind of thing we can ignore
It hurts me so to tell you “no”
But we’re poor

We're poor, Once Mom and Dad would buy me stuff galore
Now it sure seems my future's insecure
It is no joke
We are flat broke
We are poor

MAGIC IS
I bet you could prove mathematically
That Santa couldn’t possibly bring
Presents to each boy and girl
Scattered all around the world
He would have to move quite acrobatically
That would be a most unlikely thing
Does it matter that he’s fatter than your chimney
Does it matter just how fast a sleigh can go
Let me paraphrase a cricket who’s named Jiminy
When he tells you wishing really make it so

Magic is just a state of mind
Don’t need wizards for a spell to bind
You can achieve it, if you believe it
And believe me it’s not hard to find

Magic lurks just around the bend
Magic works It's not just pretend
It comes from nowhere, but it will be there
Right when you need it like a trusted friend

Believe in things beyond your reach
Like starlight in the sky
Believe in things they never teach
Those wondrous things that simply mystify

Magic is just a state of grace
Like a kiss it’s so commonplace
Don’t feel dejected, you are protected
The world holds you there in it’s embrace
Believe in things that make you strong
Things your heart reveals
Though all the grownups say you’re wrong
Trust your heart to tell you what is real

Magic things they are all around
Magic sings though without a sound
Just keep on hopin’, with your mind open
And you’ll find where magic can be found
‘Cause magic is, magic is, magic is